I think I’ve fallen for you. I’m still not sure when.You used to message me when I was in my room alone and I would giggle because you weren’t making any sense. I’m sorry, I can’t come see you. My first exam is tomorrow. No, you shouldn’t drop by and see me. I have to be awake six hours from now. That wouldn’t be a good idea, I wouldn’t want my roommates to know. I’m not sure when, but you became so comfortable that I couldn’t stand to be without you. After the first night I cracked it changed forever. I have two exams and a paper due tomorrow but I don’t care because I’d rather be in your arms for forty five minutes. I have rehearsal first thing in the morning but of course I’ll spend the night. I’ll even set my alarm for the middle of the night at the time you said you’d come to me.
I may have fallen for you. I still can’t decide where. Maybe it was the time I reluctantly followed you to your sunroof where you kissed me for the first time. In the front seat of your car where you’d always take me home even though I only lived two minutes down the road. Under the sheets of your bed that you pulled around me when your breezy fan you couldn’t do without became too chilly. At that late night party where you couldn’t keep your eyes, or your hands off of me. Beneath the suds of the pool where you asked me to come away with you in secret. At my front door where you promised you’d see me soon. At your front door where you kissed me goodbye at seven in the morning. At the entrance to my apartment complex where you kissed me goodbye, every time.
I could have fallen for you. I still have no idea why. Was it because you strung me along with promises of coffee shops when the only place I ever saw you was at your door? Maybe it was when I decided it was okay to drive out to your place after midnight because you said you wanted to see me. Was it when I cried until I almost threw up because you drunk texted my best friend? Maybe it was that time you told me that you’d never, ever hurt me. Or when friend after friend begged me to leave you behind. It was probably somewhere between all of those nights where I felt like I had to see you in order to be okay.
I know I’ve fallen for you. I still don’t know how. Even after you spent the night in her room the day after you came to me. After I looked you in the damn eyes and I told you that you hurt me. And you swore, you swore, you swore you’d never do it again. You never made it up to me but it was fine because you still wanted me around. After I kissed four other boys and none of them felt half as electrifying or passionate as you. After I woke up next to someone else and I almost had a panic attack. After I got used to your scent and I smelled it on my sheets and I told you I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay, I wanted to stay with you. Somewhere after you left me crying in my bed wishing she didn’t exist. After I got a 70 percent on my exam because I couldn’t sleep or eat because of you. After I forgot anything else in my life mattered except for you. After all of it. I fell for you.”